The Price for Lying
October 22nd, 2009 | 
Author: People lie so easily these days. There are overt lies, such as how old we are, how much money we make and where we were last night. Then there are the covert lies — lies of omission. For instance, when an executive tells his wife he will be travelling abroad on business but neglects to add the fact he is also visiting his mistress.
Then there are lies of implication – we know, in saying one thing, there is a whole series of implications our listener is likely to make based on their character and previous experience. Of course these do not count as lies in court of law, but they are no less misleading than the other two categories.
An example that comes to mind was when my friend Chris referred to his friend Lex, saying, “That boy, I worry about him. I do my best but I don’t know…”
The implication being that there is something wrong with Lex, and Chris is a really swell guy who cares about his friend. Of course in reality there is little wrong with Lex aside from his poor judgment in his choice of friends.
Living in a talk world as we do, the temptation to lie is great. First impressions count for so much, there is a huge incentive to embellish our self-representations. At the same time, the chances of being found out are usually relatively low. At a bar or at the club, it is very difficult for listeners to vet what we’re saying. This swings the risk- return payoff strongly towards lying and away from telling the truth. Furthermore, in our highly competitive world if we believe there is a very good chance the other person is less than honest, pure survival instinct impels us to follow suit.
This may come as a surprise, but the skilled liar is always more compelling than an honest man because the liar is expert at packaging their message in the most digestible way. A message which aligns itself perfectly with what we wish to believe, such as presenting negative facts about Muslims to a Christian fundamentalists crowd, is an easy sell, and vice versa. It is little wonder that psychologists have found a high correlation between skilled liars and popularity in schoolchildren. Now, leaders are selected on the basis of popularity; so those leaders chosen through a process of natural selection are the best liars among us.
One reason really good liars are so effective is that they are able to convince themselves what they’re saying is the gospel truth. A kind of self-hypnosis takes place that has a similarly entrancing effect on the listener.
The true liar, the Player, was born to lie – they cannot but lie, because for them there is no truth, there are no lies. They are like actors reading their lines. There is an absence of the internal tension most of us experience when we tell a lie that leaves telltale clues on our faces. They easily exchange one lie for another as an actor exchanges costume to play a new role. The lines are words and gestures designed to create an impression – nothing more.
What of the rest of us? What price do we pay when we lie? Having established that there is not likely to be any social penalty to pay for lying, is there no price to pay for lying our way through life?
The answer to this question very much depends upon whether you subscribe to the belief that there is an aspect of ourselves which transcends this life: a soul or essence we brought with us into this world and will take with us into the next. If we do believe this, then whatever returns might be gained from deceiving or manipulating another are far outweighed by the cost. The blemish of treachery is with us when we wake in the morning, and follows us into our dreams at night.
So, for most of us who have some connection to our essence, however sporadic or fleeting, when we lie we are giving away so much and getting so little in return.
Furthermore, one lie begets another. When we lie, we have to maintain the pretence, not just to the outside world, but to ourselves as well. We need to deny the lie. This is yet another lie. A single lie can spin off a multitude of lies that become so numerous, so dense, that finally the original lie becomes incidental, insignificant in relation to the mountain of lies it has spawned.
As time progresses, the weight of lies and our own denial increases, yet our perceived cost at coming clean grows even faster. Eventually, we reach a point of no return where no matter how great the cost, we will not unburden ourselves of our deceit. Sooner or later this load becomes simply too great and our aging bodies and minds succumb to it.
When the final curtain falls, the autopsy will describe death from cancer, heart failure or a list of other ailments. However in truth it will be the individual’s own lies which will be the real killer.
|
Join the Inner Circle |
Posted in 
Tags:
John, while reading your post an idea came, why not defining “productive” lies and “destructive” lies?
For example, whose campaign will you follow: the one who promises to do the best to change the world to the better or the one who honestly admit “Hey guys, we all know that it’s just words and no one will get the ball rolling again and nothing will change…”? It’s amazing but how many times have we been listening to the electioneering bribes, knowing that they are just overt lies and… still tending to believe them and follow them! What if?!
But what matters is if these election promises will remain just promises and be followed by anticlimax (it’s destructive lies) or… will force the speaker to convert his “bribes” into actions and achieve at least some goals (it’s productive lies).
When do we start lying? From our birth (ah, not, even earlier – from Adam and Eve times). Who teaches us lying? Parents, sometimes to prevent us from mistakes, diseases, problems, sometimes because they are tired of our endless questions.
What is lie and what is truth? Whom should I believe and who should I treat with caution? How to reveal the veiled lies and would there be truth underneath? If we unburden ourselves of the centuries-old lies what there will remain?
What is the price for lying? Sometimes the final curtain and sometimes only act drop…
Lieing is expected. In our morality void, it is those
who tell the truth, they are the ones who are punished.
We Quakers call this (avoiding overt, covert, and implied lies) “plain speech.” Say what you know to be true, no more and no less. It’s really hard.
There’s a wonderful story that illustrates this. Three boys decided to trap an elderly Quaker friend in an unintentional lie. Two of them went to visit him, and the third waited until they were talking to him in his parlor. Then the third knocked on the door. When the Quaker went to answer the door, one of the two boys inside slipped out through the back door.
The boy at the door asked, “Is Bob (the boy who slipped out) here?”
The Quaker answered, “When I left the parlor, he was.”
There was once a governor of an obscure little province who asked a Man “What is Truth?” The Man did not answer.
Because he knew that a complex question has no simple answer.
We could say that truth is things as they are or were. However, history and the present are described with imperfect language.
Each of us has a view of events that is filtered through our own history, education and biases.
So our description of an event will be different from that of our neighbor.
Which is lying?
We have to define the difference between opinion and deliberate lies. And figure out a way to survive in a dishonest society or company.
Your boss asks your opinion of his presentation prior to a vital meeting. Your real opinion is that it looks like the incoherent ravings of a committee of psychotic monkeys which is sure to drive your most important customer screaming into the night. The very survival of the company (and your job) is reliant on this contract. But your boss is a grenade with the pin pulled. Any negative or even less than positive response will be rewarded with a megaton explosion. He has fired people for less.
To lie or not to lie — aah, there is the question.
Ricky
People have the tendecy to try and spruce up a lie. A lie is a lie no matter what the circumstance or the reason. There is no need to sugar coat the lie. In the end, after all is said and done, it all remains the same the lie is still a lie, no two ways about it.
Great article. This leads me to a deeper realization about lies. Sometimes people are confronted to lie because there is a need that arises. Sad but inevitable – ” We lie because we just cant tell the truth and that we just cant trust anybody”
As an advertising professional of many years, this brings to mind the old adage–used as the slogan for international ad powerhouse McCann Erikson–that advertising is “Truth Well Told.” It’s as elegant a definition of that industry as you’re likely to find, and in all my time working with clients both huge and small, I was never asked nor expected to lie in professional capacity. Except, and then only implicitly, once.
That day, that experience in that boardroom marked the beginning of my disillusionment and, while it didn’t occur until after some 20 years in the business, the end of my careers’ innocence.
But as you and most others who have commented know too well, lying is often par for the course in the corporate world. In the personal arena, my greatest epiphany came when at last I realized that every emotional tragedy I had suffered I myself had created, because each had begun with a lie I told.
I’d like to say that I don’t lie anymore, at all, to anyone. And I’d probably believe myself if I did.
You and everyone else, however, would be justified in taking such a statement with the requisite grain of salt.
Honestly,
JB
I am so happy to have discovered you, your website and this article. I must admit, I had to process my reaction before I respond to the above.
1. What has happened to the value system of human nature living in the United States of America?
2. This hypnotic social conditioning perpetuated by all systems from the religious groups, ALL media (including the dark side of social media marketing), tribal gossip, agreeing to not disagree has become a NORM, standard operating procedure.
The group that stands to gain financial profit from lying, liars, lip-servicers, panderers are the Pharmaceutical Companies!
Cheers to the liars,
Bernadette
I think that this article is very entertaining and could have tremendous social implications in the mental sphere which appears to be seated in duality. However, when we bring in the idea of the soul, we enter a dimension where what we term “lies” are an impossibility.
The soul is Light. Period. And there is no darkness in it. What effect will there be when trying to cast a shadow upon the Sun? None. And so a lie is nothing. An expression what cannot be and never was has no effect in a space where only Truth is and can be. This is the world of One. Once a mind enters here illusion ceases to be and simultaneously never was.
Illusions are the playground for the schizophrenic (split/divided mind). Once you snap out of it, everything is what it is. Then POOF! No more lies or a world based on and influenced by them.
Gday! Great concept, but will this actually function?
Robert
Unfortunately, you are describing mental illness – a pathological liar, or other disorders (DSM IV). What is most disturbing is that, as you stated, they are more believable. We are being led by sociopaths. Barbara Oakley has written on this phenom of our times.
@John – Brilliant! I call this phenomenon “unintentional causality.” Every cause has an effect. And “players” who believe they are getting away with something are the ones who will suffer the greatest effects of the causes of their own narcissistic making. Be well, friend!
found it on google. nice. ill come back to visit.
nice. this blog is getting updates?
Hey, awesome blog. Want to get cash for blogging? Check out: http://bit.ly/paid4blogging
Stimulating thoughts here. Are you optimistic this is the best way to look at it though? My experience is that we should pretty much live and let live because what one person examines as just — another person simply doesn’t. People are going to do what they want to do. In the end, they always do. The most we can pray for is to highlight a few things here and there that hopefully, allows them to make just a little better informed decision. Otherwise, great post. You’re definitely making me think! –Christobal
interesting blog. It would be great if you can provide more details about it. Thanks you
Hello,The Burden of your blog is very fit to me, I hope more interflow with you this Topic.
I cannot thank you enough for the article. Awesome.
You write very detailed,Pay tribute to you.Couldn’t be written any better. Reading this post reminds me of my old room mate! He always kept talking about this. I will forward this article to him. Pretty sure he will have a good read. Thanks for sharing!
I feel you are too good to write Genius!Thanks for posting, maybe we can see more on this.
Hello,hi cos i do absolutely love Your blog, I would feel special to blog a long review on this wordpress site on my would you grant me permission? Concrete Trowel
I was very fantastic why i not see your blog before i will come back.
This is among the most outstanding blogs Ive study inside a really long time. The level of data in here is stunning, like you practically wrote the book on the topic. Your webpage is good for anybody who desires to recognize this subject matter much more. Good things; please maintain it up!
The disguised time bomb in all of this is that as peoplefight to reduce obesity the resultant effect of all of this then emerges as levels of fitness tightens up with no available exercise being taken and more disease becoming prevalent…If Central Governments don’t take a grip soon then we could be facing an over weight problem.
Good information, a lot of thanks to the author. It truly is incomprehensible to me now, but in standard, the usefulness and significance is overwhelming. Thanks once again and good luck!
I really enjoyed reasing your blog, and it looks wonderful. If you get a chance you should visit my blog as well. I hope you have a nice day!
This can be a great post, but I was questioning how do I suscribe towards RSS feed?
adding this info to my blog if thats ok dude.
That is some inspirational stuff. Never knew that opinions could be this varied. Thanks for all the enthusiasm to offer such helpful information here.
I just couldnt leave your web site ahead of saying which i genuinely enjoyed the excellent details you deliver to your visitors..
. Will be again typically to check up on new stuff you article!